Apparently, Spring has sprung, or something like that, so it's time to start the baseball season. Yay! I can feel your excitement at the prospect of the unknown ahead of you. I now plan to ruin that excitement by telling you the future.

You will die in seven days.

Wait, no, that's something else. Now I remember: my baseball season predictions!  Enjoy and please do not drool too much. Thanks!

AMERICAN LEAGUE

AL East:
New York Yankees
Boston Red Sox*
Toronto Blue Jays
Tampa Bay Dev... uh, Rays
Peter Angelos' Disaster Franchise

AL Central:
Cleveland Indians
Detroit Tigers
Minnesota Twins
Chicago White Sox
Kansas City Royals

AL West:
Los Angeles Angels
Seattle Mariners
Oakland Athletics
Texas Rangers

*wild card winner

Best player: Alex Rodriguez, 3B, New York Yankees
Ridiculous contract? Yes. Total disaster of an interview? Absolutely. But the man is a great baseball player. Let us not forget that.

Best pitcher: Justin Verlander, Detroit Tigers
This young fireballer is great and getting better. Don't be surprised to see Verlander and his 99-mph fastball establish him as the best right-handed starter in baseball.

Best Lineup: New York Yankees
One projection system gave this team better than a 30% chance of scoring a thousand runs this year. No other team topped 2%. Any sort of bounce back from Johnny Damon and any semblance of health from Jason Giambi will make this lineup completely dominant.

Best rotation: Toronto Blue Jays
Surprised? Don't be. Toronto barely edges out Cleveland here due to the potential improvement of its young pitching. If Halladay and Burnett stay healthy (I know), and Dustin McGowan, Shaun Marcum, and Jesse Litsch continue to develop, this group could carry Toronto to the wild card.

Best bullpen: Cleveland Indians
Despite Joe Borowski sitting at the back of the bullpen, this group beats out Boston's crew due to an excellent group of middle relievers. Rafael Betancourt and Perez are the best set-up tandem in baseball, and Jensen Lewis should distinguish himself this year as a top-of-the-line middle reliever. The hard-throwing Jorge Julio still offers some upside, and adding Masa Kobayashi to swallow some innings as a groundball guy was another great move by clever general manager Mark Shapiro.

Best team: New York Yankees
You thought I might pick someone else? Objectively speaking, the Yankees are, in fact, the class of the AL. The projection systems all agree on this. They will score runs in bunches, and they seem to have some stability in the bullpen going into this year, but there are, of course, concerns about the young pitchers. If they don't produce, this team isn't going anywhere. Duh.

Worst team: Baltimore Orioles
I know it has been said before, but seriously, Baltimore, what the hell? I have to give them props for the heist they pulled off when trading Erik Bedard, but this team is a long way away from being competitive. Daniel Cabrera is your #1 starter? Really?

Biggest surprise: Toronto Blue Jays
Their lineup is loaded with question marks, but their pitching might really be good enough to drag them into the playoffs, kicking and screaming. With Boston's ailing pitching staff and aging lineup, they might find themselves in third place in the AL east for the second time in three seasons.

Biggest disappointment: (tie) Chicago White Sox
Terrible pitching staff and a mediocre lineup. The Swish's bat will help, but he's probably overmatched in centerfield, and the rest of the lineup is in pretty bad shape. Furthermore, Ozzie Guillen's complete inability to comprehend how to produce runs is going to have a much larger effect on his team's chances than his fiery leadership and his tendency to question the sexual preferences of local reporters.

(tie) Detroit Tigers
They added Miguel Cabrera's bat, but also his glove, which detracts from his positive impact. While I love Verlander, their rotation beyond him is worrisome; Bonderman should improve, but there are no more guys that I like in there. Kenny Rogers is like 300 years old, and Robertson and Willis just aren't that good. Just for good measure, they are likely to see significant regression from Ordonez, Renteria, Sheffield, and Polanco, Granderson is already hurt, and Jones and Rodriguez are simply terrible. The fact that people keep citing Rodriguez' contract and role as #8 hitter as some sort of proof that this is a deep lineup is pretty telling.

(tie) Seattle Mariners
The rotation is decent, but who is going to hit? After Ichiro!, is there another above-average player in this lineup?
 

NATIONAL LEAGUE

NL East
New York Metropolitans
Atlanta Braves*
Philadelphia Phillies
Florida Marlins
Montreal Expos

NL Central
Chicago Cubs
Milwaukee Brewers
Cincinnati Reds
St. Louis Cardinals
Houston Astros
Pittsburgh Pirates

NL West
Arizona Diamondbacks
San Diego Padres
Colorado Rockies
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Francisco Giants

*wild card winner

Best player: Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies
Utley is the best hitter and one of the best fielders playing second base in MLB today. If he had stayed healthy last year, he would have handily won the MVP award, avoid all of the obnoxious debating about the merits of Jimmy Rollins' assortment of extra-base hits and the level of girly-ness in David Wright's voice. Utley isn't the player that A-Rod is, but the National League is crappy, so there you go.

Best pitcher: Brandon Webb, Arizona Diamondbacks
What? Not Johan? Johan's great too, don't get me wrong, but Webb has been a super beast-horse groundball machine for the Diamondbacks for a long time. Having developed the ability to miss bats consistently, as well as to control extra-base hits in a park like the BOB, Webb has basically turned himself into a younger, healthier Roy Halladay.

Best lineup: Philadelphia Phillies
Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, and Pat Burrell are all elite players, and a Geoff Jenkins/Jayson Werth platoon will provide a tremendous amount of value if used correctly. Aaron Rowand's 2007 performance will be missed (though not replicated in San Francisco), but this is still the best group of hitters in the National League.

Best rotation: New York Mets
A rotation starting off with Martinez, Oliver Perez, and John Maine would be impressive enough, but with Santana bumping each back a spot, it would be hard to argue that the Mets do not have the best rotation in all of baseball. Either Maine or Perez is the fourth starter, and either one would make a quality second starter with their superb strikeout ability. If they get absolutely anything out of youngster Mike Pelfrey or the soon-to-be mummified Orlando Hernandez, watch out.

Best bullpen: Los Angeles Dodgers
Takashi Saito is a top-3 closer, and Jonathan Broxton might be the best setup man in baseball. After that, there is a solid longman in Joe Beimel, a lefty specialist in Eric Stults, and Joe Torre's BFF, Scott Proctor. Look for youngster Jon Meloan, who impressed in two minor league stops last year, to carve out a niche for himself.

Best team: New York Mets
They're obnoxious and annoying, but they looked stacked this year. One thing to worry about with the Mets is their health. Pedro Martinez is obviously a question mark to a degree, but outside of Beltran, Reyes, and Wright, they have a very worrisome offense. The biggest question marks are at the two most offensive positions: first baseman Carlos Delgado and left fielder Moises Alou. It would be harder to imagine these two not falling off or succumbing to injury than to imagine them doing it. Left field and first base are probably the easiest positions to fill via trade, but it remains to be seen if the Mets have retained enough trading chips to make a move like that.

That being said, the Mets' do have Reyes, Wright, and Beltran, which provides a very good offensive core. Their rotation is superb, and they look to have a solid bullpen. If this squad stays reasonably healthy, they will easily be the class of National League.

Worst team: San Francisco Giants
Without Barry Bonds, this Giants team might have the worst lineup that I've ever seen. Rich Aurelia at first base? Dave Roberts in left field? Eugenio Velez at third? I honestly had never heard of Eugenio Velez before I started writing this paragraph. I then looked up his career stats and found out that, at 25, he failed to slug .400 in AA. Uh oh. Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum are terrific, but they are the only likable things about this total disaster of a club.

Biggest surprise: San Diego Padres
For the most part, the teams in the NL can be taken at face value. The Padres, with Jake Peavy, Princeton Chris Young, Greg Maddux, and a strong bullpen, have the pitching to challenge for a playoff spot. Like the Blue Jays, however, I question their ability to score runs, which is not just an issue because of their home park. Most of their hitters are simply bad at baseball.

Biggest disappointment: Los Angeles Dodgers
On paper, this team seems loaded. Stacked with young talent like Matt Kemp, Andre Ethier, Chad Billingsley, James Loney, Andy LaRoche, and Jonathan Broxton, and featuring quality veterans like Brad Penny, Derek Lowe, and Takashi Saito, it is hard to see this team not easily snapping up a playoff spot. Unfortunately, their manager seems insistent on handicapping his team by forcing lousy veterans like Juan Pierre and Nomar Garciaparra into the lineup. If this team drops to fourth place, it is unlikely that you will have to ever hear New York sportswriters clamor for Joe Torre's return again.
 

Questions? Comments? Want to buy me a drink? Don't forget to write me at peter.bard@gmail.com